NL East Notables

Time for a quick check-in on the NL East, where the drama is already in midseason form.

Mets (1-2): Same Ol’ Lindor

The Mets are off to a totally unexpected start (not)—Francisco Lindor has once again decided the start of the season isn’t worth his time. The $341 million shortstop is a perfect 0-for-11, spending more time in the dugout than on base. The good news? The Mets’ pitching staff is actually holding things together, allowing just six runs across three games. The bad news? This is the Mets—so don’t get too comfortable especially when their bats only tallied 5 runs.

Marlins (2-1): Walk-offs & Throwbacks

Miami has provided early entertainment, with both wins coming off walk-offs from Kyle Stowers and Dane Myers respectively. Oh, and Griffin Conine made a highlight-reel home run robbery, instantly triggering nostalgic fans to bring up his dad, Jeff, who did the same thing 22 years ago in the NLCS. Sorry, Griffin—your dad still did it better.

Braves (0-3): The Mighty Have Fallen

Atlanta’s season is off to a trainwreck start, thanks to a bullpen collapse and an offense that’s more lifeless than a winter in Siberia. Braves starters have been solid (2.81 ERA over 16 innings), but the bullpen is handing out runs like free samples. The offense? Seven runs in three games, trailing only the Mets and Rockies in the NL in run production. And somewhere in the distance, Braves fans are wondering if Acuña’s knee was actually made by a third-party vendor on Wish.

Phillies (2-0): Easy Mode Activated

Philadelphia is riding high after Jesús Luzardo’s 11-strikeout debut and an offense that’s been torching Washington’s bullpen like a Fourth of July fireworks display. But let’s be real—beating up on the Nationals is about as impressive as dunking on a Little League team. Let’s see them do it against actual competition before we crown them.

Nationals (0-2): Still the Nationals

Since winning the World Series in 2019, Washington has finished last in the division three out of five years—because, well, of course they have. The team’s strategy appears to be a mix of mismanaging infield depth with Garcia and Rosario splitting time and running a bottom-of-the-order lineup that has yet to record a hit. Not that it would matter—their bullpen is a disaster anyway. Another year, another long season ahead for baseball’s poverty franchise.