Are Torpedo Bats Baseball’s Ozempic?

Over the winter, the Yankees hired a nerd from MIT to use data from their players’ batted balls and swing paths to design custom bats that moves the barrel to a spot on the bat that is best optimized for a player’s swing. So instead of players making adjustments based on all of the information collected and analyzed by the nerds that front offices already have on their payrolls, teams are now employing more nerds to design new bats for players because they can’t take half a step back off the plate to avoid getting jammed. This mentality parallels with the new societal notion that all of our problems can be fixed by the nerds in the lab. Society really started going downhill with the advent of the accounting industry. For 40 years everyone paid their friends to do their taxes for them, so now the next generation has no idea how to file a fuckin tax return. That’s gotten so bad that people want it taught in schools. Overweight and diabetic? Take this pill that rips your stomach in half so you can lose a few pounds. What they don’t tell you is that actual lifestyle changes are the only thing that will withstand the test of time. The same applies to torpedo bats as baseball fans begin to learn that these bats are all over the league. Society is growing lazier and dumber so we know have to rely on these nerds (that nobody wants to have a conversation with) to fix all of our problems. Why can’t our hitters just get in the cage and figure it out? Make an adjustment? It’s the wizard not the wand, but now we’re changing the sweet spot on the wand so the mediocre wizards look better than they are.